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prose // drowning on the inside

Sep. 17th, 2008 | 02:10 pm

VERSE 1
when the world is above me,
i'll know i succeeded
and when everyone is happy
no one will notice, i'm still lonely
when everyone is leaving
memories keep me company
i'll speak to the television
hold on to my reflection

PRE-CHORUS
delusions of me into you
illusions that i break into two
can you still stand by me
must you fade so quickly

CHORUS
drowning on the inside
all this pride to hide
wanna hold on for the ride?
(warning) i have a heart of cyanide

VERSE 2
when the world turns to me
finding safety in my honesty
when i destroy you slowly
will you still sleep with me
everyone makes mistakes
but i'm always drowning on the inside
you are fragile and absurd
i am glue, sniff the glue

BRIDGE
when the sun does down
my eyesight won't adjust
can you tell - drowning
am i still lonely?
the television keeps me company
and my reflection is content with me

END CHORUS
drowning on the inside
always drowning, can't swim
always you before me
i'm drowning, i'm lost
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Slander Silander // Act 1, Scene 1

Apr. 28th, 2008 | 02:21 pm

 Act 1, Scene 1

Silander:
(voice-over)

I often tell myself that if I wander off, I’ll find my way back. That’s what gets me through life. The thought that no matter how much of a screw-up I can be, and what amount of wrong decisions I make, I’ll always end up where I’m supposed to be. Call me naïve, young and simple-minded. I rest my life in the hands of faith, but does that make me lazy? Would you say I’m waiting for life to happen? Is there a certain point which you cross, where you can never go back? At least I’m not wasting it away on recreational drugs, and mindless sex. Or am I passing on broadening my mind by shutting that out? All these questions with no answers. I’m only 21, but I feel a lot older than the average student. (after noticing a strong female, a little older) Oh, look, here comes Isverdale.

Isverdale:
Hey, bud!

Silander:
My, you seem quite chipper this morning.

Isverdale:
Yea, what can I say? I had a good night.

Silander:
Oh, really? What happened that was so fabulous?

Isverdale:
(measuring her words)

I… met… a man.

Silander:
Here we go again!

Isverdale:
I knew you would say that! Why do you always have to make it about you?

Silander:
What the hell are you talking about? You always get yourself in these situations, wail and mope for weeks on end until another obsession comes along. Come on!

Isverdale:
And you wonder why I never tell you anything anymore.

Silander:
I don’t want to judge you, but you always make yourself vulnerable to these situations.

Isverdale:
OK, Miss Amateur Shrink. So, you wanna hear it, or not?

Silander:
Of course! 

Isverdale:
Don’t interrupt me. 

Silander:
(sombre)
Of course. 

Isverdale:
I went to a bar yesterday, and I met this man. So ordinary looking. Kinda tall. Has that beer-gut thing going.

Silander:
Was he smoking a joint…? 

Isverdale: (sigh)
Yes.

Silander:
I like him already.

Isverdale:
Anyways, that’s not the story. So, this really mundane and unextraordinary man comes to me.

Silander:
Of course.

 Isverdale:
And he just says –

Silander & Isverdale:
The most funniest thing ever.

 Isverdale:
OK, that’s it. I can’t take your attitude right now.

Silander:
I’m sorry –

Isverdale:
You’re not even giving a chance! What makes you think he came on to me, and tried to kiss me? What makes you think this ends bad? So 999 out 1000 things go awry, but what if this is my 0.01%? DON’T RUIN THIS FOR ME. Don’t make me see his flaws. Don’t analyze my past mistakes to incorporate them into the future. Don’t freakin’ judge me, but above all, DON’T STEAL MY LOVE INTEREST.

Silander:
What’s your problem? 

Isverdale:
My freakin’ problem is that you always have to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong! I would like, FOR ONCE, not to look back into my life and trace back all my mistakes to you. Would you learn to shut up for once?

Silander:
What’s your problem? 

Isverdale:
You’re my problem! I’m done.

She stomps away. Silander looks at her friend’s back growing smaller and smaller in stupor.

Silander:
I often have no one to blame but myself, for my problems. My whole life is a string of abandonment caused by none other than myself. Leave me, I am not worth knowing. Leave me, and hurt me the way you’ve hurt. Leave me, scream honesty into me… I’ll mentally record it, and never let myself forget. Leave me, as if there were no trails to follow. Leave me, in my lonesome road leading into a desert. Leave me, to better your life and worsen mine. Leave me, as if I had someone else to turn to. Leave me, as if I was not worth knowing. But above all, leave me and forget my existence. My image will fade into a vision and I’ll be nothing more than a passing breeze. Leave me… and you’re gone. 

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poem // are you happy now?

Jan. 14th, 2008 | 02:02 pm

I always fear being inadequate
Please don't leave
Please no reruns
of the "obliquity of desire"

Can I refrain from making the same mistake
Can I refrain from going ballistic
Can I refrain and not start over
Can I refrain and make it right

Can you understand
and not push me away
Can you understand
and not run away

Can you take me in
Can you not disappoint
Can you not disappear
Can you?
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